


Happy Birthday, Glitterbaby!

by schokischlecki



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-18
Updated: 2014-10-18
Packaged: 2018-02-21 16:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2475134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schokischlecki/pseuds/schokischlecki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don’t you just love the Twitterverse? Especially on your birthday?<br/>All those people from all over the world sending their best wishes makes me feel loved and appreciated for all that it’s worth.<br/>Some of them tweet hours too early because in their time zone it’s my birthday already. And as the hours go by and my own continent awakes there’s a whole flood of tweets, getting #HappyBirthdayTommyJoeRatliff trending.<br/>It sure feels good to have such loyal fans and good friends that truly are family to me in every possible way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> While I was waiting for a special birthday tweet (being European AND impatient as hell), this plotbunny jumped right in my face today and what can I say? I didn't need any extra dental floss, so here it goes... 
> 
> Adam and Tommy belong to themselves, no harm intended and (sadly) no money made with this. 
> 
> I'm just lying in bed with a cold and this is what my "... Fever, Fever..." came up with...  
> I hope you understand my cold-induced thoughts because English is NOT my first language, so any mistakes you may find are absolutely thrown in on purpose! ;-)
> 
> Nuff said, on with the Adommy-Schmalz!!!

**Happy Birthday, Glitterbaby!**

 

_Tommy POV_

 

Don’t you just love the Twitterverse? Especially on your birthday?

All those people from all over the world sending their best wishes makes me feel loved and appreciated for all that it’s worth.

Some of them tweet hours too early because in their time zone it’s my birthday already.

And as the hours go by and my own continent awakes, there’s a whole flood of tweets, getting #HappyBirthdayTommyJoeRatliff trending.

It sure feels good to have such loyal fans and good friends that truly are family to me in every possible way.

 

Not having slept all night, I try to get a nap in between phone calls and birthday wishes from my blood-related family.

I promise to come over to moms place for lunch and birthday cake because we all know that there will be a party later tonight.

There always is one even when I don’t want it, even when I say I want to be alone to mope around over getting another fucking year older.

 

Grabbing a coffee to go, I make my way over to my moms place.

It’s good to be around them but all the while I find myself staring at my phone, waiting for the one tweet that’s always been there for my birthday.

Adam would never forget my special day, so I wait patiently for the Glamily to go ape shit crazy about some b-day wishes for Adams Glitterbaby.

It never comes though.

No matter how often I check my Twitter, no matter how many tweets are coming my way, there is not a single word from Adam.

 

By the time I return home, my stomach is in knots and in the privacy of my bedroom I check his timeline.

He tweeted last night. About stuff that I just couldn’t care less about right now.

But no tweet for me.

I try to get my act together, to give him more time and the more I keep telling myself that my birthday isn’t over yet, the better I feel about tonight’s party.

 

I know Mike invited everyone over, cause, yeah, I am a sneaky bastard when it comes to secrets like that.

It gives me the time to adjust, that I so desperately need and my closest friends know that, so they don’t mind if my surprise partys are never really that surprising.

By the time the first guests arrive, I feel a nervous flutter in my stomach and I find myself craning my neck every time Sutan runs and opens the door.

He never shows up.

It’s close to midnight when all my hopes are squished by a simple message that says as much as >> Sorry, Glitters, can’t make it tonight. Happy birthday<<

I stare at my phone in disbelief. It’s been known for weeks that there’s a party tonight and I just can’t believe he’s pulling a stunt like this on me.

 

Sutan shoots me a questioning look but I just shrug my shoulders and head for the kitchen to fetch me a stiff drink.

I just need that now.

The burn in my mouth and throat helps me cope, takes the edge off. It takes two more refills to accept the fact that the best friend I ever had barely thought of my birthday and that he doesn’t seem to care enough to show up even if it’s just for a couple of minutes.

Half a bottle later I feel like shit. Downed one glass after the other. Too much, too fast.

I feel nauseous, helpless and somewhat hopeless, so I head to my room, thankful I don’t run into anyone on my way.

I drop down on my bed, curl up into fetal position and let my mind wander.

 

It’s been a while since I last saw him. It was for his concert with Queen in LA and the few times he actually answered his phone since then, he barely had time to talk.

Always busy, always distant.

Only now do I realize how much I have missed him. How much I was looking forward to seeing him again, to talk to him, to hug him tight and just be in his presence.

I can’t help the stinging sensation in my eyes as they water up, no matter how hard I fight to keep the tears at bay.

Why Adam would do this to me is beyond me and I can’t find an answer to the question, no matter how hard I try and think about what I could’ve done wrong.

 

A hand on my shoulder startles me but as soon as I realize it’s just Sutan looking for me, I relax.

He doesn’t speak, seems to know exactly what is bothering me and when he pulls me up into a tight embrace, I just let it happen.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: I'll post this in tiny chapters because I keep switching POVs.

Adam POV 

 

Fuck my life! And fuck the stupid phone that keeps ringing and buzzing until I’m fully awake. Could’ve used some more sleep after a fucking long night but that’s obviously too much to ask. 

“Hi asshole! Are you happy now that you’ve made Tommy cry and on his birthday no less?”   
Sutan.   
I love him dearly but he doesn’t know shit. No one does. 

“Look, I never meant to…”   
He won’t even let me finish, screaming into the phone like a madman. 

“You are his fucking friend! So tell me, what the fuck was this? Why did you do this to him?” 

I don’t really have an answer. At least not one he needs to hear from me. 

“Are you still at Tommy’s?” I ask instead, because I just know there is no other way than trying to make it all good somehow. 

“I’m still at Tommy’s place but he left and now we can’t find him. He just ran away, Adam!”   
With Sutans voice shaking like this I see his face right before my eyes, his lip quivering and his dark eyes pleading.   
“One minute he was in his room, bawling his eyes out over you and the next he was gone!” 

“I’ll try to find him!” I promise, before Sutan jumps head first into a full-blown panic attack.   
I hang up and run my fingers through my hair.   
This is so not what I intended, not what I ever wanted.   
I really hurt Tommy.   
Fuck! 

My heart rate hits the roof and my hands start shaking.   
I need to get up and leave and the only thing that keeps me from going crazy is the one thought that echoes in my head; I need to find Tommy and make sure that he is safe. 

Car keys and wallet in hand I open the front door, to jump into my waiting car and go find my pretty kitty, when I stop dead in my tracks. 

There he is. Right in front of me. Staring at me with those big brown eyes that are so easy to read.   
All the hurt is there and all the questions he needs me to answer but the only thing I can give him right now is a bone-crushing hug.   
He’s here with me and he’s safe!


	3. Chapter 3

Tommy POV 

 

I don’t know why I came here and I have no idea how I’ve made it this far.   
A taxi is part of my blurred memory… and the urge to get my much-needed answers. 

Just as I’m about to ring the bell, the front door opens and Adam stares at me like I’m the ghost of past, present and future birthdays. 

Before I can utter a single word, he has me in a hug so tight, that he squeezes all oxygen from my lungs but I don’t care, can’t find it in me to struggle from his warm embrace. 

It’s been too fucking long since I last felt him like this. So close, it makes me feel like I actually matter to him.   
A part of me knows that I always did but that was so long ago and feels like some fading memory. 

Pressing my face into his neck, trying to hide from his view, I wish I could stay here, just like this, forever but all too soon he pushes me away. 

I stare at the floor, at the walls, anywhere I don’t have to face his prying eyes but sooner rather than later I have no choice but to face my fears and look him right in the eyes. 

Adam doesn’t say a single word but pulls me with him until we’re both seated on his couch.   
This is it.   
I know it and I can feel it in my bones. 

The moment of truth, the point of no return.


	4. Chapter 4

Adam POV

 

I always knew everything would lead up to this, always felt that there was no easy way out, no way I could really hide what has been brewing, stirring so close to the surface for so long. 

And yet I feel trapped, can’t say anything. The words just won’t find their way out of my throat that feels way too tight all of a sudden.   
I need a drink. 

One look is enough to keep Tommy from asking and once again I realize, it’s always been like that when it came to him.   
No words, not even grand gestures were ever needed and when it came down to it, all it took was one look or one single hug from him that kept me in line and on my toes.   
But those easy days are over for me.   
I can’t keep my mouth shut any longer but I’m scared shitless and all I can think about is losing him forever. 

Standing at my kitchen counter I try to breathe in and out, try to calm down but I just know that it’s in vain.   
This is it. This night will bring a decision, no matter how hard I’ve tried to avoid it, since I met him for the very first time. 

I can’t go on the same way we always did. I can’t pretend I don’t love him in any other way than just a friend.   
Even the heartache that is to follow won’t keep me from asking for a final decision. 

The first shot goes down unnoticed. The second burns a bit on its way down my belly and the third has me realizing that I’m stalling. 

Number four and five are much-needed in my attempt to go back into my living room, where Tommy waits for me; the one person that can bring either heaven or hell, pleasure or suffering, blissful happiness or… 

No, I can’t think about this now. It’s been on my mind for far too long and I’ve never gotten the wiser the more I tossed and turned the idea in my head. 

With a sinking feeling tickling deep in my belly, I go back to face reality but as soon as his gaze finds me, his whole face seems to light up as if I was something else to him, something more important and not just his best friend. 

No matter the outcome tonight, I know that we both will suffer.   
From losing a best friend or losing all hope that was left although that was never much to begin with. 

I plop down on the couch beside him and wait for him to make the first move, to say something, anything.


	5. Chapter 5

Tommy POV 

 

My cheeks are all hot and probably the color of a fire hydrant but that is the least of my worries at the moment. 

This feels awkward and it’s never been like that with him.   
Being with Adam has always felt as easy and natural as breathing.   
But not so tonight. 

He’s waiting for me to make the first step, to give him something and as much as I wanted to yell at him, when I first came here, I just can’t find it in me anymore.   
All of this, all those years, all this dancing around each other lead up to this and I just know I have to say something, anything, to ease the pressure. 

“I missed you…”  
A mere whisper leaves my throat but I know he heard me. His beautiful eyes search my face, waiting for more.   
“… so much, it hurts!” 

I can give him this much, although I know it isn’t enough. Not after all this time. 

“I need you in my life!”   
My throat is so tight and dry, the words are almost lost in the cough that has me spitting them out.   
And yet he heard me, his eyes pleading to keep going, to give him more, give him something beyond that line we’ve drawn years ago and that kept him from crossing my boundaries. 

Boundaries that don’t seem to apply anymore, that seem so outdated, I want to erase them forever, to never return. 

My hand touches his cheek, needing the contact, before I can go on, tearing down everything we’ve established and built up over the years.   
For protection, for an easy way out of everything that’s ever been thrown in our way.   
For the Adommy fantasy that we both resisted for too long. 

“I can’t lose you like this. I just can’t!”   
It’s one step closer to him and I feel like he could take it from here, if he really wants it.


	6. Chapter 6

Adam POV 

 

I’m a mess. A huge, fucking mess. My brain is in a jumble and yet it seems to process every single word he says. 

Tommy needs me in his life and he doesn’t want to lose me.   
I’ve known this forever but will it be enough?   
Enough to keep me around? 

Deep in my heart I know the answer but it fucking hurts to admit defeat if being my friend is all he wants from me.   
Another glass of liquid courage burns its way down my throat and in the midst of cringing, I ask him why he wants me around. 

“Because I can’t not have you around.”   
His voice is a mere whisper that’s keeping me on my toes. 

“Why not?” I need to know but instead of an answer he just scoots closer and puts his arms around me. 

“Why, Tommy?” I ask again, needing to know, wanting to put an end to the misery I’ve been wallowing in for months, trying to forget him and thinking I was succeeding in, only to break down once more when I got home to an invitation to Tommy’s birthday party. 

It feels like a lifetime of pining away for the one and only man I ever felt so deeply in love with, that I just can’t help but put my arms around his tiny frame and hold him as close as I can… while I still can. 

Waiting for years for him to come around has taken its toll on me and yet I wouldn’t change a thing if I could start all over again.   
Knowing Tommy has been like breathing, like nurturing my body and soul and I just can’t get used to the thought that it might just end tonight, that this is the point where I’m the one who puts an end to it all, by pushing him away if it needs be.   
And I will.   
I know, it’s hard but I also know that I can’t go on like this, with my heart being in jeopardy all the time while tending to his every need.   
I’m so fucking tired of being the one in charge, of being the strong one, the one who looks out for him but never gets what he wants in return. 

He somehow seems to sense it, seems to know how close I am to giving up.   
His hand is warm on my back, caressing me like he’s done so many times before that I’ve lost count.   
So soothing but never enough, never nearly enough.


	7. Chapter 7

Tommy POV 

The longer I touch him, the more he seems to melt into my very embrace but somehow I know this isn’t enough. Hasn’t been for a while now, no matter how hard I tried to ignore it.  
He needs me now but on a whole new level, one that I’ve shied away from for way too long. 

And all of a sudden I can see clearly now.  
I know what I have to do, what I have to say to keep him around.  
It scares the living fuck out of me but there really is no way around it, there is no way back from it all.  
If I want him, I have to tell him so and I swear to fuck, I do want him so much it hurts. 

Breathing in his scent once more, letting it calm my prickly nerves, I say the one thing I’ve never told him before.  
“I need you in my life because without you nothing makes sense. I’ve missed you these past months up to the point where I cried myself to sleep because you weren’t there to hold me and keep me from falling apart.” 

His whole body tenses, waiting for me to just admit it, to say out loud what we both must’ve felt for an awful long time, before it actually registered within my brain. 

“I love you too much to risk losing you.” I whisper in his ear, only for him to hear, only for him to know but for the both of us to believe because I’m pretty sure we both know it’s the truth that I’ve shied away from for far too long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started drinking booze while writing this, to kill the germs in my body of course, so no beta, no second reading, no nothing, except... cheers to our Birthday Kitty!!!


End file.
